ooooh, you're middle aged, aren't you fucking special

ok, i happen to be 22. an excellent age if i do say so myself. old enough to drink at a restaurant without any clever, "you just made it!" comments from the waitress upon seeing 21 on my id. but not so old as to be 23.

except i have to deal with middle aged douchebags on a regular basis who think they are better than me due to the mere fact that they have been around longer. whoop-de-fucking doo, you're 45! that's quite the accompishment! how did you ever manage to get a whole year older every single year. without ever missing a year. that's commitment. that's excellence.

but wait! after careful study of the theories of space and time, i have determined that, barring a terrible stingray swimming accident (sorry, cheap shot. i loved steve irwin. r.i.p.) or tragic motorcycle accident that would cause me to die young and leave a pretty corpse, i will, without expending any effort, one day reach the promised land of middle age.

so here's an idea, stop acting like you're smarter than me because you have a few dozen years on me. you're not. i admit, perhaps i'm not smarter than everyone. but there's a 100% chance i'm smarter than you. so, you're older than me. so, you're full of useless information that you've accrued by being stuck in the same job for 20 years. so what. that just means you've had more time to use up all your good ideas. and more time to contemplate an early exit from your pathetic existance. so, leave me alone and go fantasize about fucking your secretary. who's probably fantasizing about fucking the cute 22 year-old kid writing on his blog down the hall.